Dirty Girl Hikes

The following are what distance hikers strive to accomplish when they hit town. As you’ll soon understand, these are time consuming chores. Often days off trail are far more stressful than the ones on trail!

Laundry: Best done at a hiker hostel with loaner clothes, so that you can wash ALL of your clothing at once. More often than not however, this is done at a bathroom-less laundromat or a hotel’s guest laundry machines. Why so few laundromats have bathrooms is one of the great mysteries of the universe. I’ve left handwritten thank you notes at the ones that do.

Worst case scenario, laundry must be done by hand. Any basin will do, be it the sink at Wendy’s or a state park bathroom. In hotels, Tater extends the luggage rack in the bathtub, and uses it as an indoor clothesline.

More than once I’ve used my body to dry freshly “cleaned” clothes, by simply wearing the wet items for an hour. All backpacking clothing should be synthetic or wool, so this is a viable option.

Shower: I’ve showered in truck stops, behind a garden store, via a deli’s outside spigot, in community rec centers, and of course, hostels, and hotels. What makes a good shower a great shower is conditioner.

I often carry my own, because it actually is a rare commodity. Letting Tater have the rest of my bottle, not long after we first met, was something that made us friends for life. Besides, who can say no to such a woman, when she bursts from the stall towel-clad and in need? Not this man. Never this man.

Resupply: Of the list, this is the most important task. You cannot hike without food! Decisions around sustenance can have a massive impact on morale and comfort on trail. The problem is that a hiker’s brain often goes to mush in a grocery store. The options can be overwhelming, so I always try to get a basic grocery list together the night before a town day.

Packets are life! Condiments like Mayonaise and honey, or packets of instant coffee, or electrolytes can all can turn a rough day into an easier one. My goto are the “Energy Rush” from 4C, and Propel packets. Both contain 200mg of sodium and the 4C boasts caffeine and B-Vitamins. That 4C hiker-crack has turned many a rough, cold, shaky day into a solid effort at real miles.

On the spectrum of backcountry eaters, my tastes are simple. I can eat cous cous, Easy Mac, or instant mashed potatoes for dinner, for weeks at a time. For breakfasts I choose between Pop Tarts, instant oatmeal, or when I can find it, Bob’s Red Mills Muesili.

Lunches are always tortilla-based. They range from simple peanut butter foldovers, to tuna wrap concoctions with cheese, mayo, and even Fritos for crunch. The rest of my calorie needs are supplemented with bars and snacks of all kinds.

Cliff bars, Lara bars, bagels, donuts, chips, cheese, fruit, graham crackers, trail mix, pudding cups, applesauce, precooked bacon, and about a thousand Snickers bars, have all made it into my pack.

I’ve known folks who hike with small spice cabinets. I’ve seen some cook steakes on trail. For me, simplicity and expediency reign supreme. The less time, water, and fuel it takes to prepare, the better.

Gear Maintenance: Finding a space to air out wet gear, clean the mud out of your shoes, or get all the pine needles out of your tent can be done on trail, but it’s nice to do it town.

Even the best gear breaks, and often a trip to an outfitter is needed, or a post office stop to mail items out for warranty.

Device Charging: Best done on an overnight stop, getting everything charged takes time. In town hikers are always plugged in, choosing seats in restaurants based on outlet proximity. I’m well past any stigma around sitting outside a grocery store like a bum, shamelessly leeching power from outside outlets.

Town Food: A solid town meal is essential, especially on longer trips. I’ve sat outside a delivery pizza place and eaten an extra large pie in one sitting. I’ve downed two footlong Subway sandwiches in under ten minutes. I’ve also eaten the ENTIRE McDonalds value menu in one visit.

I’ve done these all in an attempt to put back on the pounds, that hiking fifteen to twenty miles a day inevitably melts from your body. The caloric needs of a typical thru-hiker are well over five thousand calories per day.

There’s simply no way to carry this much food, unless eating spoonfuls of ghee becomes a favored pastime. Speaking of butter, if any restaurant is foolish enough to set out free dollops, I’ll load down my coffee, breads, and oatmeal with the stuff. As my friend Cedar taught me:

“That can be four hundred calories just sitting there, free for the taking!”

Discarding Trash: The eyes of hikers will light up at the sight of a trash can. We never really carry much trash, but there is some kind of beautiful OCD satisfaction to getting every packet, wrapper and used ziploc out of your (backpack) home. I usually fill one ziploc per day with that day’s trash. Most of the contents are mine, but people leave trash in shelters and on trail all the time.

One group I’ve hiked with, lead by TuneUp (RIP brother) was known as The Trash People. A double-meaning of their behavior and also their penchant for removing every piece of trash they encountered on the trail. Like Riff Raff, they’re a bunch of rough dudes who like to party, but give a lot back to the trail community.

The above list may not seem like much, but can easily consume half a day. Not to mention the time it might take to get to town from the trail, via a hitch, bus, or just plain walking!